Mr Secretary, Executive, My Lords, Ladies, Gentlemen, and Pete. I am pleased to be able to present you with some small photographic memories from the 12th Annual Dinner of the Edinburgh University Union Old Hacks Association, or EUUOHA for short. An acronym particularly appropriate as it is the sound Neil Glassford made while trying to hack his hand open with his own Sgian-Dubh. Yes Neil, it's bad luck to put it back in it's scabbard without drawing blood, but it's even worse luck when you're a so bad at drawing your own blood that you virtually hack your hand off. I should also point out that this man is a trainee doctor and has passed his surgical rotation, and thus should have been a little more competent at the task.
But I digress. Without further ado, let me present.... The Evidence...
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The scene of the crime on a bright, serene afternoon.
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Adrian looks at Martin disdainfully while I set up the camera. Cathy (foreground right) is stitching the buttons back on Martins waistcoat because they made a bid for freedom. When he breathed out.
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The group photo! All 50 attendees of this years dinner.
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Rachel 'Princess' Chambers blowing bubbles, which Ruth 'spoilsport' Holohan immediately tries to burst.
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Pete looks uninterested as Martin attempts to pull rank on Neil.
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"Tribal mal-Funktion" at their table.
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Steve as he looks to someone who is a normal size. Check the motion blur on the port glass.
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Emma and Clare, sweet and innocent.
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Ian and Ruth, sweet and innocent.
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Caroline. With a menu for the Staff.
[muttered conversation with lawyers]
Oh yeah, and sweet and innocent.
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Mike being entertained by Sandras speech.
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Neil slowly losing the will to live during Adrians speech.
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Rachel and Alan actually falling asleep during Adrians speech.
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Mike, still unconcious from Adrians Speech. Ruth woke only because someone stood on her foot.
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Mike eventually awoke, and look where his eyes immediately strayed.
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Myself and Ruth. Innit sweet.
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Harry holds forth as an early student of 'Shame Academy'. If the rumours are true, this man is no stranger to talking whilst being distracted...
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The audience stare, rapt but incomprehending as the rules are clarified.
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Linda is the next victim, shamed by her own Sister no-less.
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Neil, shamed by his own behaviour. The rules broke down completely at this point...
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Clare and Sandra each catch a fly in their hands. Ruth, showing off, traps one under each hand instead.
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I believe that this is what a lynch-mob looks like immediately before it turns into a lynch-mob.
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Linda finished first by so much that it was almost embarrassing.
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Ewan Hawthorn, two slightly camp coloured cigarettes, and Polar Chicken.
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Polar chicken being drained of 80/-.
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Josh looking for some change for his next pint. A dismally, humiliatingly, crushingly slow performance from JC on this occasion.
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Neil (middle) clutches his novelty straws enthusiasticly!
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Lizzie downing a pint in the boat-race.
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Emily supping gently at a half pint in the boat-race.
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Gavin rests while Neil performs. I believe this to be the normal state of affairs.
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Becky and Ewan. Sweet.
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Becky and Martin. Also sweet.
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Mike and Wortly. Sweet.
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Iain takes his kareoke very seriously once again this year, bringing with him a large group of backing vocalists.
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Martin was initially concerned to be interrupted...
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...then embarrassed to have been noticed.
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Caroline was too slow trying to get out of shot.
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Adrian and Steve, sweet...
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Andy and Kirsty, picking songs...
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Andy "Go and look at my name on the wall of the office if you don't know who I am" Long, and Sandra "Ego, what ego?" Peddie
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Emily, Ruth and Kit! Ruth, the only one without a drink. Curious.
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Douglas. Eh Clare.
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Ooooh, ooh, it's group hug time...
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Yes, that was nice wasn't it Martin. Was it good for you too Andy? Yes?
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Ray embarrasses Kirsty at lunch with one detail too many.
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Neil arrived and announced that he was broken. Seems fair.
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Sue and Caroline preside from the head of the table.
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About 25 of us made it for lunch, which is quite an impressive total.
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Everyone cheered up as caffine and even the odd 80/- took effect. Ray had shandy, but it appears to have worked for him.
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Clare tries to strangle Ruth for no particularly apparent reason.
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You should see what Emily was doing to me 5 seconds earlier. She looks as pleased with the result as I do!
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